Sunday, February 14, 2010

twins...i don't care for 'em...not even a little.

so, twins freak me out. i mean, a lot. identical twins. if the parents of twins were considerate human beings in the least they would stop monopolizing the earth's resources and choose ONE kid. i am a reasonable man so i understand the reluctance to do so. that is why i suggest putting the other kid in a chamber where they can be kept for spare parts but in a place where the rest of us won't have to look at 'em. i mean, allowing two of the exact same looking human to walk around on the planet is just thinking too damn much of that one typology of person.

knowing that i feel this way, you will understand why this picture freaks me out so much. i do not want twins anywhere near my wife! if there are two of them there could easily become an army! and then we can be overrun with plaid and androgyny!

this picture was taken by a photographer friend of sabrina's while they were in twinsburg, ohio during the international twin festival. the fact that ohio supports twins and twin-like behavior is the foremost reason why i will never move back there. i plan to avoid nevada as well because of their festival in the town of nazi-pederast, nevada. but between the two, i am more likely to become a nevadan.

this picture was published in a magazine a few years back. it was either an art magazine or a magazine for people traumatized by the shining but can't get enough of the grotesque fear and shock created by the sight of nature's cruel double-dare.

i particularly blame double mint gum and the olson twins for glamourizing twindom and allowing twins to feel free to be seen together, teach in our schools and hold public office. they act like the debate is closed but the jury is still far from in and i, for one, believe that twin-ing is a choice! it is nurture not nature. there are viable alternatives (see more detailed information on the aforementioned spare-parts chamber in my manifesto: towards a twinless world). let's say no to the supernumerary and stand up for family values. after all, it was adam and eve - not adam, adam's identical twin brother shmadam and eve.

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